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The Discontented Malefactor Post by :anglox Category :Short Stories Author :Ambrose Bierce Date :March 2011 Read :5587

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The Discontented Malefactor

A Judge having sentenced a Malefactor to the penitentiary was proceeding to point out to him the disadvantages of crime and the profit of reformation.

"Your Honour," said the Malefactor, interrupting, "would you be kind enough to alter my punishment to ten years in the penitentiary and nothing else?"

"Why," said the Judge, surprised, "I have given you only three years!"

"Yes, I know," assented the Malefactor--"three years' imprisonment and the preaching. If you please, I should like to commute the preaching."

(The end)
Ambrose Bierce's short story: The Discontented Malefactor

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Father And Son Father And Son

Father And Son
"My boy," said an aged Father to his fiery and disobedient Son, "a hot temper is the soil of remorse. Promise me that when next you are angry you will count one hundred before you move or speak." No sooner had the Son promised than he received a stinging blow from the paternal walking-stick, and by the time he had counted to seventy-five had the unhappiness to see the old man jump into a waiting cab and whirl away.(The end)Ambrose Bierce's short story: Father And Son

A Call To Quit A Call To Quit

A Call To Quit
Seeing that his audiences were becoming smaller every Sunday, a Minister of the Gospel broke off in the midst of a sermon, descended the pulpit stairs, and walked on his hands down the central aisle of the church. He then remounted his feet, ascended to the pulpit, and resumed his discourse, making no allusion to the incident. "Now," said he to himself, as he went home, "I shall have, henceforth, a large attendance and no snoring." But on the following Friday he was waited upon by the Pillars of the Church, who informed him that in order to be in