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Full Online Book HomeFunny StoriesYou Might Be A Cop If...
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You Might Be A Cop If... Post by :kruenterprisess Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :1464

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You Might Be A Cop If...

You have the bladder capacity of five people.
  • You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

  • You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.

  • Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change.

  • You call for a CCH on anyone that is friendly toward you.

  • You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal.

  • You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person.

  • You find humor in other people's stupidity.

  • You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

  • You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.

  • You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.

  • You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest.

  • You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce.

  • You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here".

  • You refer to your nightstick as your "Dork Slayer".

  • You believe that chocolate is a food group.

  • You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick.

  • You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time.,

  • You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict.

  • You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably.

  • You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar.

  • You believe the dispatcher is possessed.

  • You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.

  • You're not referring to food when you mention vegetables.

  • You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick.

  • You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions.

  • You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone.

  • You correlate "two beers" with 0.15  BAC.

  • You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car.

  • You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime.

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