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Understanding Rednecks 3 Post by :linkwrangler Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :3432

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Understanding Rednecks 3

Y’allbonics – How to speak Southern

HEIDI - noun - Greeting
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage - “Heidi, Hire yew?”

BARD - verb - Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage “My brother bard my pick-up truck.”

JAWJUH - noun - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage - “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pick-up truck.”

BAMMER - noun - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage - “A tornader jes went through Bammer an’ left $20 000 000 in improvements.”

MUNTS - noun - A calendar division.
Usage - “My brother from Jawjuh Bard my pick-up truck an’ I ain’t heard from him in munts.”

THANK - verb - Cognitive process.
BARE - noun - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops and yeast.
Usage - “Ah thank ah’ll have a bare.”

IGNERT - adjective - Not smart. See “Arkansas native.”
Usage - “Them Bammer boys shore are ignert.”

RANCH - noun - A tool for tight’nin’ bolts.
Usage - “I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pick-up truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago.”

ALL - noun - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage - “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pick-up truck.”

FAR - noun - A conflagration.
Usage - “If my brother from Jawjuh don’t change the all in my pick-up truck, that thing’s gonna catch far.”

TAR - noun - A rubber wheel.
Usage - “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don’t git a flat tar in my pick-up truck.”

TIRE - noun - A tall monument.
Usage - “Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris.”

RETARD - verb - To stop working.
Usage - “My grampaw retard at age 65.”

FAT - noun, verb - A Usage -a battle or conflict; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage - “You younguns keep fat’n ‘n’ ah’m gonna whup y’uh asses.”

RATS - noun - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage “We Southerners are willin’ to fat for are rats.”

CHEER - adverb - In this place.
Usage - Jus’ set that bare rat cheer.

FARN - adjective - Not domestic.
Usage - I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed, must be from some farn country.”

DID - adjective - Not alive.
Usage - “He’s did Jim.”

ARE - noun - A colourless, odorless gas. Oxygen.
Usage - “He cain’t breathe, give him some ARE!”

BOB WAR - noun - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage - “Boy, stay away from that bob war fence.”

JEW HERE - noun and verb, contraction.
Usage - “Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with a bob wire fence cump’ny?”
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage - “Is Bubba smart?” “Nah, haze ingnert. He ain’t thanked but a minnit’n ‘is laf.”

SEED - verb - Past tense of “to see.”
VIEW - contraction, verb and pronoun.
Usage - “I ain’t never seed New York City .. view?”

GUBMINT - noun - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage - “Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.”

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Islamabubbas Islamabubbas

ATLANTA (Aug 16th) - The governors of Alabama, Georgia, and Mississippi announced today that they have made a disturbing discovery in their states. Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda terrorists have become romantically involved with local redneck girls. The result is not pretty and they now have the sad task of reporting the creation of a new sector of the human race: So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, but Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is hard at work trying to isolate and seal them off. To date, the Coalition has identified the following children: Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba Mohammed

Understanding Rednecks 2 Understanding Rednecks 2

Understanding Rednecks 2
Hillbilly Medical Terms Benign................What you be after you be eight. Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria. Barium.................What you do with dead folks. Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan................Searching for the cat. Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her. Colic...............A sheep dog. Coma...............A punctuation mark. D&C................Where Washington is. Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do. Enema.............Not a friend. Fester............Quicker than someone else. Fibula............A small lie. G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball. Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on. Impotent...........Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work. Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates. Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake. Node....................I knew it.