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Full Online Book HomeFunny StoriesUnderstanding Rednecks 1
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Understanding Rednecks 1 Post by :EddieG Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :2460

Click below to download : Understanding Rednecks 1 (Format : PDF)

Understanding Rednecks 1

EXCLAMTIONS:

"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
"Ahm fixin ta do that"

THREATS:

"I'll slap you so hard, when you wake up, your clothes will be outta style."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

COMPLIMENTS:

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."

THE WEATHER:

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
DESCRIPTIONS:

INSULTS:

"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'."
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead."
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." like: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

MISC:

A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was catchin."

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Hillbilly Medical Terms Benign................What you be after you be eight. Bacteria...............Back door to cafeteria. Barium.................What you do with dead folks. Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan................Searching for the cat. Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her. Colic...............A sheep dog. Coma...............A punctuation mark. D&C................Where Washington is. Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do. Enema.............Not a friend. Fester............Quicker than someone else. Fibula............A small lie. G.I.Series.........World Series of military baseball. Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on. Impotent...........Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain..........Getting hurt at work. Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates. Medical Staff.......A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake. Node....................I knew it.
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