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Funny Horse Racing Quotes Funny Horse Racing Quotes

Funny Horse Racing Quotes
Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that!" Desmond Lynam (sports presenter): "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that." (BBC) Willie Carson, riding his 180th winner of the season, spent the last two furlongs looking over one shoulder, then another between his legs, but there was nothing there to worry him." (Sporting Life) This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother. (Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator) The US Postal Service honored legendary race horse champion Secretariat with his own postage stamp. That shows you how strange life is for racehorses.... Funny Stories - Post by : bradleyweb - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 7965

Funny Gordon Strachan Quotes Funny Gordon Strachan Quotes

Funny Gordon Strachan Quotes
Scot Gordon Strachan was one of British soccer's greats. After moving into management he quickly acquired a reputation for biting wit. Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad? Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish! Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?" Strachan: "Velocity" (walks off) Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around? Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless." Reporter: Is that your best... Funny Stories - Post by : missmimz - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 5590

Funny Soccer Quotes Funny Soccer Quotes

Funny Soccer Quotes
Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales. (Ron Greenwood) Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him (Stuart Pearson) If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing. (Terry Venables) To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch. (Ruud Gullit) Well , either side could win it, or it could be a draw. (Ron Atkinson) An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal. (Dave Bassett, Sky Sports) Ardiles strokes the ball... Funny Stories - Post by : luis1234567890 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3236

Funny Boxing Quotes 2 Funny Boxing Quotes 2

Funny Boxing Quotes 2
Frank Bruno: "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost. " Marlon Starling: "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" Dennis Pennis: Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography? Chris Eubank: On what? Don King, on boxing's rating system: "When we started, it was based on lies. It's changing now. There are no secrets in the business. You've got to come with the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's becoming very confusing." Buddy McGirt, when he was asked by Gil Clancy who would win the up-coming fight... Funny Stories - Post by : christibelle - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4225

Funny Boxing Quotes Funny Boxing Quotes

Funny Boxing Quotes
Willie Pep, talking to an old opponent years after each retired. "Do you recognize me?" the old opponent asked. Willie looked hard and considered before finally replying "Lie down so I can recognize you." Mark Kaylor: "I'm concentrating so much I don't know what I'm doing half the time." Willie Pastrano, when asked by the ring doctor if he knew where he was: "You're damn right I do. I'm in Madison Square Garden getting the sh*t knocked out of me." Henry Cooper, replying to boxing abolitionist, Baroness Edith Summerskill, about the brutalities of his sport. Baroness: "Mr. Cooper, have you looked in the mirror... Funny Stories - Post by : guydavis - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 8156

Muhammad Ali Quotes Muhammad Ali Quotes

Muhammad Ali Quotes
 "There's nothing wrong with getting knocked down, as long as you get right back up." When asked about his golf game: "I'm the best. I just haven't played yet."  "Howard Cosell was gonna be a boxer when he was a kid—only they couldn't find a mouthpiece big enough."  "I'm so mean I make medicine sick."  "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up."  "At home I am a nice guy—but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't get very far."  "It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am."  "If they can... Funny Stories - Post by : diablo2_v - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 5280

Funny Football Quotes 4 Funny Football Quotes 4

Funny Football Quotes 4
Jim Brosnahan, the defense attorney representing the city of Oakland in the NFL team's suit against the city of Oakland, after a couple of lively courtroom exchanges between Brosnahan and Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, this exchange took place in court: BROSNAHAN - "Would it be fair to say you turned around the Raiders in the 1960s?" DAVIS - "You're being too kind to me." BROSNAHAN - "It won't last. Let's enjoy the moment." Conan O'Brien, on the NFL starting its own cable network: This is good because up until now, the only channel to find 24-hour coverage of the NFL players... Funny Stories - Post by : marketingtest - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2995

Funny Football Quotes 3 Funny Football Quotes 3

Funny Football Quotes 3
Chuck Mills: "When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids." Luke Salisbury: "Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it." Sue Lawley: "American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party." Frank Middleton, Oakland Raiders; prior to Super Bowl XXXVII he was asked what was the best thing his ex-head coach Jon Gruden did for the Oakland Raiders. Frank said: "Leave." Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He... Funny Stories - Post by : SteveQ - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 5643

Funny Football Quotes 2 Funny Football Quotes 2

Funny Football Quotes 2
Dick Butkus: "I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important —like a league game or something." Jack Tatum: "I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault." Jim Finks, when asked after a loss what he thought of the officiating: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy referees." Dave Barry: "I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is... Funny Stories - Post by : bytor500 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 5739

Funny Football Quotes Funny Football Quotes

Funny Football Quotes
Tony Kornheiser: "Men are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo." Jeff Gordon, St. Louis Post-Dispatch writer, commenting on the poor attendance at Arizona Cardinal games: "If Marc Bulger throws an interception in Sun Devil Stadium and nobody is there to see it, is it still an interception?" Lou Groza, NFL Hall of Fame kicker: "Old place-kickers never die, they just go on missing the point." Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle, on how football players will have different... Funny Stories - Post by : rjj2308 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 6500

Misc. Funny Quotes [unattributed]. Misc. Funny Quotes [unattributed].

Misc. Funny Quotes [unattributed].
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.  Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.... Funny Stories - Post by : lyndonfriend - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3977

Last Page Of Steven Wright Quotes Last Page Of Steven Wright Quotes

Last Page Of Steven Wright Quotes
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade! Everybody repeat after me.....We are all individuals. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Death to all fanatics! Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back. Beware of geeks bearing gifts. Half the people you know are below average. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any... Funny Stories - Post by : istana - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4994

Even More Steven Wright Quotes Even More Steven Wright Quotes

Even More Steven Wright Quotes
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. He who hesitates is probably right. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch... Funny Stories - Post by : websioux - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4301

More Steven Wright Quotes More Steven Wright Quotes

More Steven Wright Quotes
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. When I'm not in my right... Funny Stories - Post by : wigbrs - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2834

Steven Wright Quotes Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes
The waitress said they served breakfast at any time, so I ordered French toast during the renaissance.Scattered showers my ass. -- NoahBlack holes are where God divided by zero.All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand.Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.OK, so what's the speed of dark?How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.Support bacteria - they're the only... Funny Stories - Post by : thicks - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4164

Frank Zappa Quotes Frank Zappa Quotes

Frank Zappa Quotes
Interviewer: So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman? FZ: You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table? You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream. Scientology, how about that? You hold on to the tin cans and then this guy asks you a bunch of questions, and if you pay enough money you get to join the master race. How's that for a religion?People who think of videos as an art form are... Funny Stories - Post by : sandstorm - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4812

Funny Kevin Keegan Quotes Funny Kevin Keegan Quotes

Funny Kevin Keegan Quotes
Former soccer player and coachKevin Keegan's grasp of the metaphor shows us all that there is always a carrot at the end of the tunnel."They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that." "England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none." "It's like a toaster, the ref's shirt pocket - every time there's a tackle, up pops a yellow card." "I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona." "England can end the millennium as it started - as the greatest football nation in the world." "You can't do better than... Funny Stories - Post by : moneylicious - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3728

Funny Tv And Radio Presenter Quotes (uk) Funny Tv And Radio Presenter Quotes (uk)

Funny Tv And Radio Presenter Quotes (uk)
Jon Snow (presenter/interviewer): "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?" Expert: "Er, yes." (Channel 4 News) Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy, four very different names. (Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3) "Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily." (Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine) Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day." Simon Fanshawe (radio... Funny Stories - Post by : 46691 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4152

Cold War Cold War

Cold War
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian... Funny Stories - Post by : danwajs1 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3547

Stupid Bush Stupid Bush

Stupid Bush
G.W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid so he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is to surround yourself with smart people. Let me show you." She calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" So G.W. calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?" And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a... Funny Stories - Post by : jfjarrett - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2998