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Knitting Knitting

Knitting
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"... Funny Stories - Post by : pbrandtnews - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3200

Blonde In Space Blonde In Space

Blonde In Space
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"... Funny Stories - Post by : websmar2 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3151

First Class First Class

First Class
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest... Funny Stories - Post by : Bruce_Cady - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1339

Aol User Aol User

Aol User
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractiveblond female neighbor came out of the house and went straightto the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed backin the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was gettingready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"... Funny Stories - Post by : heathbiz - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4099

Did You Hear About The Blonde That.... Did You Hear About The Blonde That....

Did You Hear About The Blonde That....
1.Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight 2.Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with aslope. 3.Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into thetypewriter. 4.Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 monthsand the box said "2 to 4 years" 5.Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. 6.Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. 7.When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C" 8.Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries. 9.Baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said1 hour per... Funny Stories - Post by : Dream_Weaver - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2715

Odd Job Odd Job

Odd Job
A blonde was hard up for money, so she walkedaround her neighborhood, trying to find a job. She met a nice man who said he would giveher work. All she had to do was paint his porch white.He gave her a bucket of paint and left. He walked into his house, laughing and told hisbrunette wife what he had done."Frank, our porch covers half of the house", hiswife replied, "You're so mean!"Three hours later, the blonde went in thehouse, and gave the bucket of white paint backto the man. The astonished man handed her a $100 bill,and asked how she finished it so... Funny Stories - Post by : casualcom - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2469

'gator Country 'gator Country

'gator Country
A young blonde was on vacation in the depthsof Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuinealligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no-haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out andcatch my own alligator so I can get a pair ofshoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeepersaid, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed forthe swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later... Funny Stories - Post by : Harry_Potter - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1211

The Blonde And The Thermos The Blonde And The Thermos

The Blonde And The Thermos
A blonde walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and... Funny Stories - Post by : christian1 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3114

5 Blondes And A Blind Guy 5 Blondes And A Blind Guy

5 Blondes And A Blind Guy
A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender "Hey, you iately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right... Funny Stories - Post by : colttech - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2126

State Capitals State Capitals

State Capitals
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of statecapitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."... Funny Stories - Post by : newengland - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1937

Bottom Deodorant Bottom Deodorant

Bottom Deodorant
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it... Funny Stories - Post by : jim_shovak - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2981

Horseback Riding Horseback Riding

Horseback Riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.She mounts the horse, unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.The horse gallops long, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from... Funny Stories - Post by : ChargeService - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2045

Two Blondes In Heaven Two Blondes In Heaven

Two Blondes In Heaven
Two blondes arrive in heaven. One blond says to another, "How did you die?" "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You getthe shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. Buteventually, it's  a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping." "How about you, how did you die? "I had a heart attack," says the first blonde" "You see I knew my husband  was cheating on... Funny Stories - Post by : jack05 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1389

The Vibrator The Vibrator

The Vibrator
A blonde enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the big red one." The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."... Funny Stories - Post by : emailsupplynet - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3459

Blonde Builders Blonde Builders

Blonde Builders
Two blondes were building a house. one saw that the other was going into her pouch and throwing every other nail out. She thought that this was weird and decided to look into. "Why do you keep throwing every other nail away?" "Well, when i pull one out of my pouch, and it is facing towards the house, i nail it it. If it is facing away from the House, it is defective and i throw it away." "You idiot, those nails aren't defective, they are for the other side of the house."... Funny Stories - Post by : angelica - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2407

Mechanical Problem Mechanical Problem

Mechanical Problem
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"... Funny Stories - Post by : laffe - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3544

Jailbreak Jailbreak

Jailbreak
Three women escaped from prison.One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks." The sheriff told... Funny Stories - Post by : Eliot_Proud - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2942

Dangerous Blow Job Dangerous Blow Job

Dangerous Blow Job
A guy walkedinto a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons."I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator... Funny Stories - Post by : Mike_Barcus - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3163

Indecent Exposure Indecent Exposure

Indecent Exposure
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you or indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"... Funny Stories - Post by : John_ward - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2925

The Dry Cleaner The Dry Cleaner

The Dry Cleaner
A blonde walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garmentonthe counter."I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up mydress." shesays."Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" shereplies."This time it's mayonnaise."... Funny Stories - Post by : akulo - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4037