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Misc. Political Quotes Misc. Political Quotes

Misc. Political Quotes
"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git." Alexai Sayle. "In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes." Adlai Stevenson. "The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep." Clinton aide George Stephanopolous. "The Internet is a gateway to get on the net." Bob Dole. "I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming." Jimmy Carter. "I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency,... Funny Stories - Post by : Taser912 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2392

Bush Quotes Bush Quotes

Bush Quotes
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.""I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.""Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?""What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.""It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in... Funny Stories - Post by : cforssell - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1423

Nixon Vs Clinton Nixon Vs Clinton

Nixon Vs Clinton
Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Waterbed Nixon: Biggest fear: Cold war Clinton: Biggest fear: Cold sore Nixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burns Nixon: Vice President: Greek Clinton: Vice President: Geek Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her Nixon: Known as tricky Dick Clinton: no difference Nixon: Ex-president Clinton: Sex President Nixon: Talked of achieving Peace with honor. Clinton: Talked of achieving piece while on her.... Funny Stories - Post by : jcomm - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3875

Hillary Hillary

Hillary
One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and killed. Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St. Peter and asks ''Can I get into heaven now?'' He says ''Soon, I have some things to take care of.'' So St. Peter leaves and Hillary looks at the scenery and sees millions of clocks lying around. Every once in a while, a clock or so would turn ahead 15 minutes. Hillary wondered why. Soon, St. Peter came back and Hillary asked ''St. Peter, What are all these clocks for?'' St Peter replies... Funny Stories - Post by : digihelen - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3794

Praying For A Bike Praying For A Bike

Praying For A Bike
A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to... Funny Stories - Post by : Moneystreets - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3431

Three Boys Three Boys

Three Boys
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says:" Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow". The second one says:" Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet". The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says:" You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home... Funny Stories - Post by : skynote - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2846

John Hinckley John Hinckley

John Hinckley
You may know they've released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parent's home on weekends. For those of you who may be too young to remember John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from President Bush to Mr. Hinckley  written during the 04 election campaign: THE WHITE HOUSE WASHINGTON D.C. Mr. John Hinckley St. Elizabeth's Hospital Washington, DC Dear John: Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We werepleased to hear that you are now... Funny Stories - Post by : gcbarker - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3986

How Government Works How Government Works

How Government Works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said," Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said," How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said," How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do... Funny Stories - Post by : luanaflacco - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3764

A Story Of Creation A Story Of Creation

A Story Of Creation
In the beginning, God created heaven and earth. Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part. At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What... Funny Stories - Post by : docdurdin - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3791

Saddam And Clinton Saddam And Clinton

Saddam And Clinton
Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on... Funny Stories - Post by : pjgauthier - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1886

Quayle Quotes Quayle Quotes

Quayle Quotes
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I havewas that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could conversewith those people." "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother andchild." "Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts.""Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the samedistance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictureswhere there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, thatmeans there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.""What... Funny Stories - Post by : RonCummings - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3502

Al Gore's New Program Al Gore's New Program

Al Gore's New Program
Out of curiosity, Joe asked ''AL, I see you're a beer drinker, I am too! you see, we DO have something in common'' With a condescending voice, Al quipped, '' yes, of course we do Joe'' Joe then asked '' Al, why the 5 empty cans and all that cash'' Al gladly told Joe about his new program. '' Joe, since last month, I have decided to turn a new leaf and become a more accountable person, while at the same time rewarding myself for my efforts. Whenever I tell a lie, I drink a beer and put the can in... Funny Stories - Post by : pandoracon - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2733

Clinton Goes To Heaven Clinton Goes To Heaven

Clinton Goes To Heaven
President Clinton had just died and wound up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven..."And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter. "It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the United States and Leader of the Free World.""Oh...Mr....... President! What may I do for you?" asks St. Peter. "I'd like to come in," replies Clinton."Sure," says the Saint. "But first, you have to confess your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"Clinton bites his lip and answers, "Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't call it 'dope-smoking' because I didn't inhale. There were inappropriate extramarital relationships, but you... Funny Stories - Post by : Joey_Phillips - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1549

Winston Churchill Quotes Winston Churchill Quotes

Winston Churchill Quotes
"When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home.""A sheep in sheep's clothing"On Clement Atlee "A modest man, who has much to be modest about"On Clement Atlee"An empty taxi arrived at 10 Downing Street, and when the door was opened, Atlee got out"On Clement Atlee"I wish Stanley Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived"On Stanley Baldwin"He occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing... Funny Stories - Post by : KevinNitro - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2214

Bush And Gore Bush And Gore

Bush And Gore
Bush and Gore were sitting in a restaurant to discuss the craziness of the election.When the waitress came to take their orders, Gore said, "I'll take the steak."When she asked Bush, he said, "I'll take the quickie." Gore motioned for the waitress to come closer, and whispered into her ear "He means the quiche."... Funny Stories - Post by : phenz - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2747

Uk Politics In Quotes Uk Politics In Quotes

Uk Politics In Quotes
"The Labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party."Clive Anderson."If the word 'No' was removed from the English language, Ian Paisley would be speechless"John Hume."I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."Margaret Thatcher."Harold Wilson is going around the country stirring up apathy."William Whitelaw."I don't know what I would do without Whitelaw. Everyone should have a Willy."Margaret Thatcher."The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that... Funny Stories - Post by : martins - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4157

Speech Writer Speech Writer

Speech Writer
If I were George W. Bush's Speech WriterÂ…"Good evening my fellow Americans. First I want to pass on condolences to the people of New York and all Americans that are hurting in this tragic time. Rest assured that anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our Country, will be done." "This is the greatest country in the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our petty differences and show the world that no one and nothing can destroy the fortitude of the American people."... Funny Stories - Post by : katsharad - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3500

Oil Shortage Oil Shortage

Oil Shortage
There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an energy shortage here in the USA. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for this is purely geographical..... All the oil is in Oklahoma, Texas, and Louisiana. All the dipsticks are in Washington DC... Funny Stories - Post by : Johnnee - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2854

Conversation... Conversation...

Conversation...
between Condeliza Rice and George Bush featuring: Hu Jintao, President of China, UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan and the late PLO Chief Yasser Arafat.George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.George: Great. Lay it on me.Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.George: That's what I want to know.Condi: That's what I'm telling you.George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?Condi: Yes.George: I mean the fellow's name.Condi: Hu.George: The guy in China.Condi: Hu.George: The new leader of China.Condi: Hu.George: The Chinese guy!Condi: Hu is leading... Funny Stories - Post by : linnwright - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2581

A Guide To Politics A Guide To Politics

A Guide To Politics
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. Pure socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. Bureaucratic socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and... Funny Stories - Post by : BobTeske - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3118