Full Online Books
BOOK CATEGORIES
Authors Authors Short Stories Short Stories Long Stories Long Stories Funny Stories Funny Stories Love Stories Love Stories Stories For Kids Stories For Kids Poems Poems Essays Essays Nonfictions Nonfictions Plays Plays Folktales Folktales Fairy Tales Fairy Tales Fables Fables Learning Kitchen Learning Kitchen
LINKS
Valid XHTML 1.0 Transitional Free Classified Website Without Registration Free Classified Website Daniel Company
Twitter Twitter Add book
donate
Full Online Book HomePoemsUpon The Horrid Plot
Famous Authors (View All Authors)
Upon The Horrid Plot Post by :frontier Category :Poems Author :Jonathan Swift Date :August 2011 Read :1877

Click below to download : Upon The Horrid Plot (Format : PDF)

Upon The Horrid Plot

DISCOVERED BY HARLEQUIN, THE BISHOP OF ROCHESTER'S FRENCH DOG,(1) IN A DIALOGUE BETWEEN A WHIG AND A TORY

I ask'd a Whig the other night,
How came this wicked plot to light?
He answer'd, that a dog of late
Inform'd a minister of state.
Said I, from thence I nothing know;
For are not all informers so?
A villain who his friend betrays,
We style him by no other phrase;
And so a perjured dog denotes
Porter, and Pendergast, and Oates,
And forty others I could name.
WHIG. But you must know this dog was lame.
TORY. A weighty argument indeed!
Your evidence was lame:--proceed:
Come, help your lame dog o'er the stile.
WHIG. Sir, you mistake me all this while:
I mean a dog (without a joke)
Can howl, and bark, but never spoke.
TORY. I'm still to seek, which dog you mean;
Whether cur Plunkett, or whelp Skean,(2)
An English or an Irish hound;
Or t'other puppy, that was drown'd;
Or Mason, that abandon'd bitch:
Then pray be free, and tell me which:
For every stander-by was marking,
That all the noise they made was barking.
You pay them well, the dogs have got
Their dogs-head in a porridge-pot:
And 'twas but just; for wise men say,
That every dog must have his day.
Dog Walpole laid a quart of nog on't,
He'd either make a hog or dog on't;
And look'd, since he has got his wish,
As if he had thrown down a dish,
Yet this I dare foretell you from it,
He'll soon return to his own vomit.
WHIG. Besides, this horrid plot was found
By Neynoe, after he was drown'd.
TORY. Why then the proverb is not right,
Since you can teach dead dogs to bite.
WHIG. I proved my proposition full:
But Jacobites are strangely dull.
Now, let me tell you plainly, sir,
Our witness is a real cur,
A dog of spirit for his years;
Has twice two legs, two hanging ears;
His name is Harlequin, I wot,
And that's a name in every plot:
Resolved to save the British nation,
Though French by birth and education;
His correspondence plainly dated,
Was all decipher'd and translated:
His answers were exceeding pretty,
Before the secret wise committee;
Confest as plain as he could bark:
Then with his fore-foot set his mark.
TORY. Then all this while have I been bubbled,
I thought it was a dog in doublet:
The matter now no longer sticks:
For statesmen never want dog-tricks.
But since it was a real cur,
And not a dog in metaphor,
I give you joy of the report,
That he's to have a place at court.
WHIG. Yes, and a place he will grow rich in;
A turnspit in the royal kitchen.
Sir, to be plain, I tell you what,
We had occasion for a plot;
And when we found the dog begin it,
We guess'd the bishop's foot was in it.
TORY. I own it was a dangerous project,
And you have proved it by dog-logic.
Sure such intelligence between
A dog and bishop ne'er was seen,
Till you began to change the breed;
Your bishops are all dogs indeed!


(Footnote 1: In Atterbury's trial a good deal of stress was laid upon the circumstance of a "spotted little dog" called Harlequin being mentioned in the intercepted correspondence. The dog was sent in a present to the bishop from Paris, and its leg was broken by the way. See "State Trials," xvi, 320 and 376-7.--_W. E. B._)

(Footnote 2: John Kelly, and Skin, or Skinner, were persons engaged in the plot. Neynoe, whose declaration was taken before the lords of council, and used in evidence against the bishop, is "t'other puppy that was drown'd," which was his fate in attempting to escape from the messengers.)


(The end)
Jonathan Swift's poem: Upon The Horrid Plot

If you like this book please share to your friends :
NEXT BOOKS

A Quibbling Elegy On Judge Boat A Quibbling Elegy On Judge Boat

A Quibbling Elegy On Judge Boat
1723To mournful ditties, Clio, change thy note,Since cruel fate has sunk our Justice Boat;Why should he sink nothing seem'd to pressHis lading little, and his ballast less?Tost in the waves of this tempestuous world,At length, his anchor fix'd and canvass furl'd,To Lazy-hill(1) retiring from his court,At his Ring's end(2) he founders in the port.With water(3) fill'd, he could no longer float,The common death of many a stronger boat.A post so fill'd on nature's laws entrenches:Benches on boats are placed, not boats on benches.And yet our Boat (how shall I reconcile it?)Was both a Boat, and in one sense a pilot.With
PREVIOUS BOOKS

The Run Upon The Bankers The Run Upon The Bankers

The Run Upon The Bankers
The Run Upon the Bankers(1) The bold encroachers on the deep Gain by degrees huge tracts of land,Till Neptune, with one general sweep, Turns all again to barren strand.The multitude's capricious pranks Are said to represent the seas,Breaking the bankers and the banks, Resume their own whene'er they please.Money, the life-blood of the nation, Corrupts and stagnates in the veins,Unless a proper circulation Its motion and its heat maintains.Because 'tis lordly not to pay, Quakers and aldermen in state,Like peers, have levees every day Of duns attending at their gate.We want our
NEXT 10 BOOKS | PREVIOUS 10 BOOKS | RANDOM 10 BOOKS
LEAVE A COMMENT