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Fritz Finds Fault Post by :swinnie999 Category :Poems Author :Abner Cosens Date :November 2011 Read :2007

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Fritz Finds Fault

("Canadians are using lacrosse sticks to throw hand
grenades into German trenches."--News Item.)

"Dere is some tings not right in dis schrap,
For dose English and French don't fight fair
Ven dey pring in de Turco and Jap
Und de Hindu and beeg Russian bear;
But already us goot Sherman mans
Ve vas ending dot var britty quick,
Till dey shtart oop some more dirty blans,
Ven dose poys vill trow bombs mit a shtick.

Ve don't mind some old rifles und guns,
Nor dose airships und Dreadnoughts und tings,
Ve don't care if dey call us de Huns,
(1) Und ve laugh at de song dat dey sings:
But dose teufels from Canada come,
Dey vould blay us von mean shabby trick,
For ve can't get avay from de bomb
Dat dey trow from de end of a shtick.

Ven ve tink ve are safe for de day,
Mit goot sausage and saurkraut filled,
Dose Canadians shtart oop to blay
Mit a game dat ve nefer haf drilled.
Ven ve see dose tings fly troo de air
Den already ve feel britty sick;
If dey hit us dey don't seem to care,
Ven dey trow dose old bombs mit a shtick.

Ven ve shoots all our cartridge avay,
Und de vagons don't pring any more;
Ven our shells get more scarce efry day,
Mit our shirts und our breechaloons tore,
Und de shmokes und de limburger done
(Dot is spreading it on britty tick),
Den I tells you it isn't no fun
Ven dose poys vill trow bombs mit a shtick."

(Footnote 1: Tipperary)

(The end)
Abner Cosens's poem: Fritz Finds Fault

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(The Germans say that if it hadn't been for the Canadian Rats they would have got through to Calais.--News Item.) Dere's a ting dat I'll nefer furshtay. Ven ve shtart oop dat goot poison gas, Vy dose Rats don't get oudt of de vay, So us Shermans to Ypres can pass. Ven ve shoots all our cartridge avay, Dat's already deir time to retreat; Vot's de use so ve make de beeg fight,

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