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Full Online Book HomeFunny StoriesRevised Miranda Rights
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Revised Miranda Rights Post by :optdave Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :2072

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Revised Miranda Rights

You are under arrest and....

1. No, I don't care who you are.

2. No, I don't care who you know.

3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.

4. Yes... you CAN have my job.

5. No, I don't have anything better to do.

6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.

7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).

8. No, I can't give you a break.

9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.

10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.

11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.

12. No, we can't talk about it.

13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.

14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.

Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________

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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

Lapd, Fbi & Cia Lapd, Fbi & Cia

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The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had