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Potential Bumper Stickers Post by :ortaz Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :2653

Click below to download : Potential Bumper Stickers (Format : PDF)

Potential Bumper Stickers

1. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.

2. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

3. The proctologist called...they found your head.

4. Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.

5. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

6. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

7. I used to have a handle on life...but now it is broken.

8. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

9. Hang up and drive.

10. If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

11. Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

13. Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small to be out by itself.

14. Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people"Everybody But Me."

15. Don't like my driving...Then quit watching me.

16. Guys...just because you have one...doesn't mean you have to be one.

17. Welcome to America...Now speak English

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New Math New Math

New Math
Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter:Eskimo Pi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton Time between slipping on a peel and smacking thepavement: 1 bananosecond Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon 1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower 1 million microphones: 1 megaphone 2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 52 cards: 1 decacards 3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at YaleUniversity Hospital: 1 I.V. League

Friendship Poem Friendship Poem

Friendship Poem
Are you tired of the mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good butnever actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth itself. Dear Friend, When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid. When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much