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Poet In Heaven Post by :Shree Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :2817

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Poet In Heaven

Scott McDougal, who died as a poet, is standing at the gates of heaven.

"I am Scott McDougal, the poet," he says to the gatekeeper.

"I'm sorry," replies the gatekeeper, "I've no idea who you are."

"But I am Scott McDougal the poet," replies the stricken man.

"Sorry," says the gatekeeper, "but I can't let you in unless I know who you are."

The gatekeeper then directs the man to two men, "Listen, go over there to the poet's corner and those two might be able to help you out."

So McDougal strolls dejectedly to the corner where he is greeted by Wordsworth and Shakespeare who are enjoying a drink together.

"I am Scott McDougal, the poet," he says.

"No, sorry, but we've heard of you not, maybe if you recited a line from one of your poems we might remember you."

So McDougal starts off, "Down by the river, stood my friend Andy, I knew it was him, because his legs were bandy."

Wordsworth replies, "No, no, no, surely that should be, 'down by the lake, a young man strode, his gait was awkward, his legs were bowed.'"

All of a sudden Shakespeare perks up and says, "No no no, Will, surely it should be, 'forsooth my liege, what man is this, who's balls hang in parenthesis!'"

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Answering Machine Messages Answering Machine Messages

Answering Machine Messages
WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets. Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used

Top Ten Times In History When Using The 'f' Word Was 
					appropriate Top Ten Times In History When Using The 'f' Word Was appropriate

Top Ten Times In History When Using The 'f' Word Was 
10th 'Scattered ****ing showers my ass!'- Noah 4314BC 9th 'How the **** did you work that out?'- Pythagoras 126BC 8th 'You want WHAT on the ****ing ceiling?'- Michelangelo 1566 7th 'Where did all those ***ing Indians come from?'- Custer 1877 6th 'It does so ****ing look like her!'- Picasso 1826 5th ' Where the **** are we?'- Amelia Earhart 1937 4th 'Any ****ing idiot could understand that- Einstein 1938 3rd 'What the **** was that?'- Mayor of Hiroshima 1945 2nd 'I need this parade like I need a ****ing hole in thehead!'- JFK 1963 And .... drum roll .... The number 1 most appropriate time for using the 'F' word is.......... 'Aw