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Nobody Tells Me Anything Nobody Tells Me Anything

Nobody Tells Me Anything
A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse" The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" "Sarah Finkel, room 302." "I'll connect you with the nursing station." "3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?" "I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302." "Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure... Funny Stories - Post by : ed_shaw - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3334

Nursing Home Nursing Home

Nursing Home
One day a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more... Funny Stories - Post by : vfitzpatrick - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2305

Farts Farts

A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my... Funny Stories - Post by : kiranb - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3075

Career Change Career Change

Career Change
A gynecologist decides that he needs a change of pace, so he leaves the medical field to become an auto mechanic. After many months laboring at auto mechanic school, the day finally comes to take his final exam. He takes the exam and completes it in the required time, then leaves. When he gets his exam grade in the mail, he is shocked, yet pleasantly surprised to find that his final grade on the exam is 200%. As he reviews the exam in closer detail, he notices some remarks written by the professor, which read: "50% for taking the engine apart... Funny Stories - Post by : ysaritoh - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3811

Headache Cure Headache Cure

Headache Cure
A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..". He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear". "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?" "Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by... Funny Stories - Post by : CalGolden - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3635

Psychiatric Hotline Psychiatric Hotline

Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press "2". If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", "5", and "6". If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.... Funny Stories - Post by : mkj2300 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3516

Nutrition & Exercise: The Facts Nutrition & Exercise: The Facts

Nutrition & Exercise: The Facts
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak... Funny Stories - Post by : dt2003 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4015

Physicians Physicians

The number of physicians in the US is 700,000.- Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year is 120,000.- Accidental deaths per physician, is 0.171. (US Dept. of Health & Human Services)Now think about this: - The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000. - The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all ages) is 1,500. - The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.Statistically, then, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors... Funny Stories - Post by : Demworld - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3297

Naming Viagra Naming Viagra

Naming Viagra
In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name: Tylenol is acetamophen, Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, advil is abuprofen, and so on.The FDA have been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and has announced that it has settled on mycoxafloppin. Also considered were:mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and of course, ibepokin.... Funny Stories - Post by : jumbo - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3278

'true' Doctor Stories 'true' Doctor Stories

'true' Doctor Stories
"At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.""One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart," "I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet... Funny Stories - Post by : agape - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3846

Doctors' Notes Doctors' Notes

Doctors' Notes
The following quotes were allegedly taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.""Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year." "On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared." "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night." "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."... Funny Stories - Post by : Deftone - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 4310

Aids Or Alzheimer's? Aids Or Alzheimer's?

Aids Or Alzheimer's?
The doctor says to a man "I'm sorry, sir, but the test results have come back a tad inconclusive. Your wife could have either AIDs or Alzheimer's. We're not sure which". The man replies,"Oh my God! That's awful! What should I do?" The doctor says,"Take her down into the city centre and leave her there. If she finds her way back, don't fuck her!"... Funny Stories - Post by : Warrior101 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1693

A Brief History Of Medicine A Brief History Of Medicine

A Brief History Of Medicine
I have an earache. 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.1000 A.D. That root is heathen, say this prayer.1850 A.D. That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.1940 A.D. That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.1985 A.D. That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.2000 A.D. That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.... Funny Stories - Post by : keith1 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2003