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More Steven Wright Quotes Post by :wigbrs Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :2628

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More Steven Wright Quotes

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy.

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

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Even More Steven Wright Quotes Even More Steven Wright Quotes

Even More Steven Wright Quotes
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. He who hesitates is probably right. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch

Steven Wright Quotes Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes
The waitress said they served breakfast at any time, so I ordered French toast during the renaissance.Scattered showers my ass. -- NoahBlack holes are where God divided by zero.All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand.Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.OK, so what's the speed of dark?How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.Support bacteria - they're the only