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How To Drive People Insane Post by :smoore Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :3615

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How To Drive People Insane

1) At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.  

2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)  

3) Insist that your e-mail address be: xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-king@companyname.com 

4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.  

5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.  

6) Put your waste bin on your desk and label it 'IN.' (This is a 'must do')  

7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.  

8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.  

9) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."  

10) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."  

11) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.  

12) Don't use any punctuation  

13) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.  

14) Ask people what sex they are.  

15) Specify that your drive through order is "to go."  

16) Sing along at the opera.  

17) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.  

18) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)  

19) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."  

20) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.  

21) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party 'cause you're not in the mood.

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Top Ten Times In History When Using The 'f' Word Was 
					appropriate Top Ten Times In History When Using The 'f' Word Was appropriate

Top Ten Times In History When Using The 'f' Word Was 
10th 'Scattered ****ing showers my ass!'- Noah 4314BC 9th 'How the **** did you work that out?'- Pythagoras 126BC 8th 'You want WHAT on the ****ing ceiling?'- Michelangelo 1566 7th 'Where did all those ***ing Indians come from?'- Custer 1877 6th 'It does so ****ing look like her!'- Picasso 1826 5th ' Where the **** are we?'- Amelia Earhart 1937 4th 'Any ****ing idiot could understand that- Einstein 1938 3rd 'What the **** was that?'- Mayor of Hiroshima 1945 2nd 'I need this parade like I need a ****ing hole in thehead!'- JFK 1963 And .... drum roll .... The number 1 most appropriate time for using the 'F' word is.......... 'Aw

Honeymoon Honeymoon

A newly-wed couple wake up on the first morning of the their honeymoon in the Caribbean and decide to take a stroll down the beach. On their way they pass a shanty house, and sitting on the front porch is an overweight woman, stark naked, legs akimbo, eating a slice of watermelon. The husband sees this and liking the idea of his new wife exhibiting her body in public asks her whether she would do the same. The wife looks at him in disgust and refuses. The second morning they pass the shanty house again and, sure enough, the overweight woman is