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Full Online Book HomeFunny StoriesHow To be Truly Offensive At A Funeral
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How To 
					be Truly Offensive At A Funeral Post by :Lynn_Lyons Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :1852

Click below to download : How To be Truly Offensive At A Funeral (Format : PDF)

How To be Truly Offensive At A Funeral

Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.

Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.

Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.

Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.

Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.

Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.

Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.

Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.

At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.

Get someone to call you on your cell phone during ceremony and pretend your talking to the deceased person.

Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.

Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.

Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.

Write "Best before last week" on the top of the coffin when nobody is looking.

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English Subtitles From Hong Kong Films English Subtitles From Hong Kong Films

English Subtitles From Hong Kong Films
You daring lousy guy. Beat him out of recognizable shape! Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the shortrabbits and can now deliver you violently to your doctor for athorough extermination. I have been scared silly too much lately. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair! Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold? How can you use my intestines as a gift? Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a teamup together and go into the country to inflict the pain of ourkarate feats on some

Strange  Facts About 
					death Strange  Facts About death

Strange  Facts About 
1 - More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. 2 - More people are killed each year by coconuts than sharks. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts. 3 - You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider. 4 - Fleas have the distinction of killing more people than all the wars man has ever fought. The "Black Death" plague killed 1/4 of Europe's population in the 14th century, caused by germs transmitted from rodents to humans by fleas. 5 - The animal responsible for the most human deaths