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Full Online Book HomeFunny StoriesFunny Football Quotes 3
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Funny Football Quotes 3 Post by :SteveQ Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :3994

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Funny Football Quotes 3

Chuck Mills: "When it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids."

Luke Salisbury: "Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it."

Sue Lawley: "American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party."

Frank Middleton, Oakland Raiders; prior to Super Bowl XXXVII he was asked what was the best thing his ex-head coach Jon Gruden did for the Oakland Raiders. Frank said: "Leave."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Terry Bradshaw: "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."

Reggie Williams, when asked his greatest strengths as a football player : "Speed, strength, and the inability to register pain immediately."

Elbert Hubbard: "College football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture."

Randy Cross: "The NFL, like life, is full of idiots."

Merle Kessler: "Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers."

Joe Jacoby: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl"
Matt Millen: "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom, too."

Blackie Sherrod, on an auto wreck involving hard-living quarterback Bobby Layne: "After indulging is some heavy, late-night research with some scholarly friends, Bobby was driving back to his hotel, innocently enough, when he was side-swiped by several empty cars lurking at curbside."

Duffy Daugherty: "A tie is like kissing your sister."

Jeff Kemp: "Rapport? You mean like, 'You run as fast as you can, and I'll throw it as far as I can'?"

President Gerald Ford: "I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today."

Emmitt Smith, when asked about new Cowboy coach Bill "The Big Tuna" Parcells: "I have not talked to him, but I have been eating a lot of tuna."

Jack "The Assassin" Tatum, former Raiders defensive back: "I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault."

Howie Long, having fun at the expense of Fox colleague Terry Bradshaw: "In Montana, they renamed a town after an all-time great, Joe Montana. Well, a town in Massachusetts changed their name to honor my guy Terry Bradshaw--Marblehead."

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Jim Brosnahan, the defense attorney representing the city of Oakland in the NFL team's suit against the city of Oakland, after a couple of lively courtroom exchanges between Brosnahan and Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, this exchange took place in court: BROSNAHAN - "Would it be fair to say you turned around the Raiders in the 1960s?" DAVIS - "You're being too kind to me." BROSNAHAN - "It won't last. Let's enjoy the moment." Conan O'Brien, on the NFL starting its own cable network: This is good because up until now, the only channel to find 24-hour coverage of the NFL players
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Dick Butkus: "I wouldn't ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was, you know, important —like a league game or something." Jack Tatum: "I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault." Jim Finks, when asked after a loss what he thought of the officiating: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy referees." Dave Barry: "I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is
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