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Essex Schoolgirls Post by :mlm46 Category :Funny Stories Author :Unknown Date :April 2012 Read :4086

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Essex Schoolgirls

A train hits a busload of Essex Schoolgirls and they all perish.

They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
St Peter asks the first girl (from Southend), "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger"

St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

St. Peter asks the next girl (from Chelmsford) the same question, "Joanne have you ever had any contact with a mans thing?"

The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, and the girl from Romford is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Tracy! What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies. "If  I'm going to have to gargle that Holy water...I want to do it before Lorraine sticks her arse in it!!"

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Medic! Medic!

An Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there'sbloodeverywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of thecar untilshe's lying flat out on the floor.Medic: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.Sharon: Ok.Medic: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up.Sharon: Oh my god I'm paralyzed from the waist down.

Scots Vs. English Scots Vs. English

Scots Vs. English
In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight. One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a Scottish accent came from within the dense fog. "Any one Scotsman can beat any 10 Englishmen". With this, the English general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of