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Preventing Disease Preventing Disease

Preventing Disease
Miss Bea was in her 80's and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the Spring and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity; surely Miss Bea had flipped! But he certainly couldn't mention the... Funny Stories - Post by : gaery - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2250

Bush, Powell, Blonde Bush, Powell, Blonde

Bush, Powell, Blonde
President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in andasks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are youguys doing in here?" Bush says, "We're planning WW III." And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one blonde withbig tits." The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?" Bush turns to Powell, punches him... Funny Stories - Post by : Don_G - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2710

Marooned Marooned

Marooned
Three dumb blondes were shipwrecked on an island. They came across a magic lamp and a genie came out. The genie said that he would grant them each a wish. The first blonde asked to be made smart, the genie turned her into a brunette and she swam off the island. The second blonde asked to be even more smarter, so the genie turned her red hair and she built a boat and sailed off the island. The third blonde asked to be made the smartest, so the genie turned her into a man and he walked onto the bridge, and off... Funny Stories - Post by : RichardGrady - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1325

Compact Iq Compact Iq

Compact Iq
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde in a convertible sportscar for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blond for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact,opens it and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to theblonde cop.After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes,hands the compact back... Funny Stories - Post by : chuck - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3565

Ventriloquist Vs. Blonde Ventriloquist Vs. Blonde

Ventriloquist Vs. Blonde
A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town. He's going through his usual run of off-color and "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands up and says: "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair color possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential...because... Funny Stories - Post by : toppito - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1283

Slight Confusion Slight Confusion

Slight Confusion
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo," she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."... Funny Stories - Post by : fifth_freedom - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1492

Knitting Knitting

Knitting
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"... Funny Stories - Post by : pbrandtnews - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2781

Blonde In Space Blonde In Space

Blonde In Space
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"... Funny Stories - Post by : websmar2 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2625

First Class First Class

First Class
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest... Funny Stories - Post by : Bruce_Cady - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 885

Aol User Aol User

Aol User
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractiveblond female neighbor came out of the house and went straightto the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed backin the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was gettingready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"... Funny Stories - Post by : heathbiz - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3645

Did You Hear About The Blonde That.... Did You Hear About The Blonde That....

Did You Hear About The Blonde That....
1.Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight 2.Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with aslope. 3.Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into thetypewriter. 4.Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 monthsand the box said "2 to 4 years" 5.Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. 6.Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. 7.When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C" 8.Burnt her nose bobbing for French fries. 9.Baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said1 hour per... Funny Stories - Post by : Dream_Weaver - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2288

Odd Job Odd Job

Odd Job
A blonde was hard up for money, so she walkedaround her neighborhood, trying to find a job. She met a nice man who said he would giveher work. All she had to do was paint his porch white.He gave her a bucket of paint and left. He walked into his house, laughing and told hisbrunette wife what he had done."Frank, our porch covers half of the house", hiswife replied, "You're so mean!"Three hours later, the blonde went in thehouse, and gave the bucket of white paint backto the man. The astonished man handed her a $100 bill,and asked how she finished it so... Funny Stories - Post by : casualcom - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2043

'gator Country 'gator Country

'gator Country
A young blonde was on vacation in the depthsof Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuinealligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no-haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out andcatch my own alligator so I can get a pair ofshoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeepersaid, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed forthe swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later... Funny Stories - Post by : Harry_Potter - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 773

The Blonde And The Thermos The Blonde And The Thermos

The Blonde And The Thermos
A blonde walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one. The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss asks, "What is that shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and... Funny Stories - Post by : christian1 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2699

5 Blondes And A Blind Guy 5 Blondes And A Blind Guy

5 Blondes And A Blind Guy
A blind man and his guide dog enter a Bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender "Hey, you iately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right... Funny Stories - Post by : colttech - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1735

State Capitals State Capitals

State Capitals
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of statecapitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."... Funny Stories - Post by : newengland - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1549

Bottom Deodorant Bottom Deodorant

Bottom Deodorant
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it... Funny Stories - Post by : jim_shovak - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 2553

Horseback Riding Horseback Riding

Horseback Riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.She mounts the horse, unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.The horse gallops long, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from... Funny Stories - Post by : ChargeService - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 1574

Two Blondes In Heaven Two Blondes In Heaven

Two Blondes In Heaven
Two blondes arrive in heaven. One blond says to another, "How did you die?" "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first blonde. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You getthe shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. Buteventually, it's  a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping." "How about you, how did you die? "I had a heart attack," says the first blonde" "You see I knew my husband  was cheating on... Funny Stories - Post by : jack05 - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 893

The Vibrator The Vibrator

The Vibrator
A blonde enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the big red one." The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."... Funny Stories - Post by : emailsupplynet - Date : April 2012 - Author : Unknown - Read : 3083