Full Online Books
BOOK CATEGORIES
Authors Authors Short Stories Short Stories Long Stories Long Stories Funny Stories Funny Stories Love Stories Love Stories Stories For Kids Stories For Kids Poems Poems Essays Essays Nonfictions Nonfictions Plays Plays Folktales Folktales Fairy Tales Fairy Tales Fables Fables Learning Kitchen Learning Kitchen
LINKS
Valid XHTML 1.0 Transitional Free Classified Website Without Registration Free Classified Website Daniel Company
Twitter Twitter Add book
donate
Full Online Book HomeAuthor Stephen LeacockPage 1
Famous Authors (View All Authors)

In The Good Time After The War In The Good Time After The War

In The Good Time After The War
(Footnote: An extract from a London newspaper of 1916.) HOUSE OF COMMONS REPORT The Prime Minister in rising said that he thought the time had now come when the House might properly turn its attention again to domestic affairs. The foreign world was so tranquil that there was really nothing of importance which need be brought to the attention of the House. Members, however, would, perhaps, be glad to learn incidentally that a new and more comfortable cage had been supplied for the ex-German Emperor, and that the ex-Crown Prince was now showing distinct signs of intelligence, and was even able... Short Stories - Post by : The_Peddler - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 1705

The First Newspaper. A Sort Of Allegory The First Newspaper. A Sort Of Allegory

The First Newspaper. A Sort Of Allegory
How likes it you, Master Brenton?" said the brawny journeyman, spreading out the news sheet on a smooth oaken table where it lay under the light of a leaded window. "A marvellous fair sheet," murmured Brenton Caxton, seventh of the name, "let me but adjust my glasses and peruse it further lest haply there be still aught in it that smacks of error." "It needs not," said the journeyman, "'tis the fourth time already from the press." "Nay, nay," answered Master Brenton softly, as he adjusted his great horn-rimmed spectacles and bent his head over the broad damp news sheet before... Short Stories - Post by : Draven - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 1319

The Survival Of The Fittest The Survival Of The Fittest

The Survival Of The Fittest
A bell tinkled over the door of the little drug store as I entered it; which seemed strange in a lighted street of a great city. But the little store itself, dim even in the centre and dark in the corners was gloomy enough for a country crossroads. "I have to have the bell," said the man behind the counter, reading my thought, "I'm alone here just now." "A toothbrush?" he said in answer to my question. "Yes, I guess I've got some somewhere round here." He was stooping under and behind his counter and his voice came up from below.... Short Stories - Post by : tlomax - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 3194

Sidelights On The Supermen. An Interview With General Bernhardi Sidelights On The Supermen. An Interview With General Bernhardi

Sidelights On The Supermen. An Interview With General Bernhardi
He came into my room in that modest, Prussian way that he has, clicking his heels together, his head very erect, his neck tightly gripped in his forty-two centimeter collar. He had on a Pickelhaube, or Prussian helmet, which he removed with a sweeping gesture and laid on the sofa. So I knew at once that it was General Bernhardi. In spite of his age he looked--I am bound to admit it--a fine figure of a man. There was a splendid fullness about his chest and shoulders, and a suggestion of rugged power all over him. I had not heard him... Short Stories - Post by : Starman - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 741

Weejee The Pet Dog. An Idyll Of The Summer Weejee The Pet Dog. An Idyll Of The Summer

Weejee The Pet Dog. An Idyll Of The Summer
We were sitting on the verandah of the Sopley's summer cottage. "How lovely it is here," I said to my host and hostess, "and how still." It was at this moment that Weejee, the pet dog, took a sharp nip at the end of my tennis trousers. "Weejee!!" exclaimed his mistress with great emphasis, "BAD dog! how dare you, sir! BAD dog!" "I hope he hasn't hurt you," said my host. "Oh, it's nothing," I answered cheerfully. "He hardly scratched me." "You know I don't think he means anything by it," said Mrs. Sopley. "Oh, I'm SURE he doesn't," I... Short Stories - Post by : stevejack - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 857

Passionate Paragraphs Passionate Paragraphs

Passionate Paragraphs
(An extract from a recent (very recent) novel, illustrating the new beauties of language and ideas that are being rapidly developed by the twentieth century press.) His voice as he turned towards her was taut as a tie-line. "You don't love me!" he hoarsed, thick with agony. She had angled into a seat and sat sensing-rather-than-seeing him. For a time she silenced. Then presently as he still stood and enveloped her,-- "Don't!" she thinned, her voice fining to a thread. "Answer me," he gloomed, still gazing into-and-through her. She half-heard half-didn't-hear him. Night was falling about them as they sat thus... Short Stories - Post by : Andrew2 - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 3350

Who Is Also Who. A Companion Volume To Who's Who Who Is Also Who. A Companion Volume To Who's Who

Who Is Also Who. A Companion Volume To Who's Who
Note by the editor: I do not quarrel with the contents of such valuable compendiums as "Who's Who," "Men and Women of the Time," etc., etc. But they leave out the really Representative People. The names that they include are so well known as to need no commentary, while those that they exclude are the very people one most wishes to read about. My new book is not arranged alphabetically, that order having given great offence in certain social circles. Smith, J. Everyman: born Kenoka Springs; educ. Kenoka Springs; present residence, The Springs, Kenoka; address, Kenoka Springs Post-Office; after leaving... Short Stories - Post by : dgordon76 - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2300

Speeding Up Business Speeding Up Business

Speeding Up Business
We were sitting at our editorial desk in our inner room, quietly writing up our week's poetry, when a stranger looked in upon us. He came in with a burst,--like the entry of the hero of western drama coming in out of a snowstorm. His manner was all excitement. "Sit down," we said, in our grave, courteous way. "Sit down!" he exclaimed, "certainly not! Are you aware of the amount of time and energy that are being wasted in American business by the practice of perpetually sitting down and standing up again? Do you realize that every time you sit... Short Stories - Post by : mehowey - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2023

Our Literary Bureau Our Literary Bureau

Our Literary Bureau
(Footnote: This literary bureau was started by the author in the New York Century. It leaped into such immediate prominence that it had to be closed at once.) NOVELS READ TO ORDER FIRST AID FOR THE BUSY MILLIONAIRE NO BRAINS NEEDED NO TASTE REQUIRED NOTHING BUT MONEY SEND IT TO US We have lately been struck,--of course not dangerously,--by a new idea. A recent number of a well-known magazine contains an account of an American multimillionaire who, on account of the pressure of his brain... Short Stories - Post by : HBOcenter - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 1563

Truthful Oratory; Or, What Our Speakers Ought To Say Truthful Oratory; Or, What Our Speakers Ought To Say

Truthful Oratory; Or, What Our Speakers Ought To Say
I TRUTHFUL SPEECH GIVING THE REAL THOUGHTS OF A DISTINGUISHED GUEST AT THE FIFTIETH ANNIVERSARY BANQUET OF A SOCIETY Mr. Chairman and gentlemen: If there is one thing I abominate more than another, it is turning out on a cold night like this to eat a huge dinner of twelve courses and know that I have to make a speech on top of it. Gentlemen, I just feel stuffed. That's the plain truth of it. By the time we had finished that fish, I could have gone home satisfied. Honestly I could. That's as much as I usually eat.... Short Stories - Post by : NetCoach - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 1690

An Every-day Experience An Every-day Experience

An Every-day Experience
He came across to me in the semi-silence room of the club. "I had a rather queer hand at bridge last night," he said. "Had you?" I answered, and picked up a newspaper. "Yes. It would have interested you, I think," he went on. "Would it?" I said, and moved to another chair. "It was like this," he continued, following me: "I held the king of hearts--" "Half a minute," I said; "I want to go and see what time it is." I went out and looked at the clock in the hall. I came back. "And the queen and the... Short Stories - Post by : Inspector - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2324

Education Made Agreeable; Or, The Diversions Of A Professor Education Made Agreeable; Or, The Diversions Of A Professor

Education Made Agreeable; Or, The Diversions Of A Professor
A few days ago during a pause in one of my college lectures (my class being asleep) I sat reading Draper's "Intellectual Development of Europe". Quite suddenly I came upon the following sentence: "Eratosthenes cast everything he wished to teach into poetry. By this means he made it attractive, and he was able to spread his system all over Asia Minor." This came to me with a shock of an intellectual discovery. I saw at once how I could spread my system, or parts of it, all over the United States and Canada. To make education attractive! There it is!... Short Stories - Post by : dmack - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2573

Aristocratic Anecdotes Or Little Stories Of Great People Aristocratic Anecdotes Or Little Stories Of Great People

Aristocratic Anecdotes Or Little Stories Of Great People
I have been much struck lately by the many excellent little anecdotes of celebrated people that have appeared in recent memoirs and found their way thence into the columns of the daily press. There is something about them so deliciously pointed, their humour is so exquisite, that I think we ought to have more of them. To this end I am trying to circulate on my own account a few anecdotes which seem somehow to have been overlooked. Here, for example, is an excellent thing which comes, if I remember rightly, from the vivacious Memoir of Lady Ranelagh de Chit Chat.... Short Stories - Post by : Scott_Shields - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2715

Afternoon Adventures At My Club Afternoon Adventures At My Club

Afternoon Adventures At My Club
1.--The Anecdotes of Dr. So and So That is not really his name. I merely call him that from his manner of talking. His specialty is telling me short anecdotes of his professional life from day to day. They are told with wonderful dash and power, except for one slight omission, which is, that you never know what the doctor is talking about. Beyond this, his little stories are of unsurpassed interest--but let me illustrate. . . . . . . . He came into the semi-silence room of the club the other day and sat down beside me. "Have something... Short Stories - Post by : ksmason - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2783

Ram Spudd The New World Singer Ram Spudd The New World Singer

Ram Spudd The New World Singer
Is He Divinely Inspired? Or Is He Not? At Any Rate We Discovered Him. (Footnote: Mr. Spudd was discovered by the author for the New York Life. He is already recognized as superior to Tennyson and second only, as a writer of imagination, to the Sultan of Turkey.) The discovery of a new poet is always a joy to the cultivated world. It is therefore with the greatest pleasure that we are able to announce that we ourselves, acting quite independently and without aid from any of the English reviews of the day, have discovered one. In the person of... Short Stories - Post by : digitalchaos - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 3104

The Reading Public. A Book Store Study The Reading Public. A Book Store Study

The Reading Public. A Book Store Study
"Wish to look about the store? Oh, oh, by all means, sir," he said. Then as he rubbed his hands together in an urbane fashion he directed a piercing glance at me through his spectacles. "You'll find some things that might interest you," he said, "in the back of the store on the left. We have there a series of reprints--Universal Knowledge from Aristotle to Arthur Balfour--at seventeen cents. Or perhaps you might like to look over the Pantheon of Dead Authors at ten cents. Mr. Sparrow," he called, "just show this gentleman our classical reprints--the ten-cent series." With that... Short Stories - Post by : TopKat - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 3220

Spoof. A Thousand-guinea Novel. New! Fascinating! Perplexing! Spoof. A Thousand-guinea Novel. New! Fascinating! Perplexing!

Spoof. A Thousand-guinea Novel. New! Fascinating! Perplexing!
CHAPTER I Readers are requested to note that this novel has taken our special prize of a cheque for a thousand guineas. This alone guarantees for all intelligent readers a palpitating interest in every line of it. Among the thousands of MSS. which reached us--many of them coming in carts early in the morning, and moving in a dense phalanx, indistinguishable from the Covent Garden Market waggons; others pouring down our coal-chute during the working hours of the day; and others again being slipped surreptitiously into our letter-box by pale, timid girls, scarcely more than children, after nightfall (in fact many... Short Stories - Post by : jmadison - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2028

Buggam Grange: A Good Old Ghost Story Buggam Grange: A Good Old Ghost Story

Buggam Grange: A Good Old Ghost Story
The evening was already falling as the vehicle in which I was contained entered upon the long and gloomy avenue that leads to Buggam Grange. A resounding shriek echoed through the wood as I entered the avenue. I paid no attention to it at the moment, judging it to be merely one of those resounding shrieks which one might expect to hear in such a place at such a time. As my drive continued, however I found myself wondering in spite of myself why such a shriek should have been uttered at the very moment of my approach. I am not... Short Stories - Post by : douglas - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2790

The Blue And The Grey: A Pre-war War Story The Blue And The Grey: A Pre-war War Story

The Blue And The Grey: A Pre-war War Story
CHAPTER I The scene was a striking one. It was night. Never had the Mississippi presented a more remarkable appearance. Broad bayous, swollen beyond our powers of description, swirled to and fro in the darkness under trees garlanded with Spanish moss. All moss other than Spanish had been swept away by the angry flood of the river. Eggleston Lee Carey Randolph, a young Virginian, captain of the ----th company of the ----th regiment of ----'s brigade--even this is more than we ought to say, and is hard to pronounce--attached to the Army of the Tennessee, struggled in vain with the swollen... Short Stories - Post by : AzlanKasim - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 2804

The Kidnapped Plumber: A Tale Of The New Time The Kidnapped Plumber: A Tale Of The New Time

The Kidnapped Plumber: A Tale Of The New Time
"Personally," said Thornton, speaking for the first time, "I never care to take a case that involves cellar work." We were sitting--a little group of us--round about the fire in a comfortable corner of the Steam and Air Club. Our talk had turned, as always happens with a group of professional men, into more or less technical channels. I will not say that we were talking shop; the word has an offensive sound and might be misunderstood. But we were talking as only a group of practising plumbers--including some of the biggest men in the profession--would talk. With the exception of... Short Stories - Post by : lumore - Date : November 2011 - Author : Stephen Leacock - Read : 3509