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Full Online Book HomeAuthor Mark TwainPage 55
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Punch, Brothers, Punch Punch, Brothers, Punch

Punch, Brothers, Punch
Will the reader please to cast his eye over the following lines, and see if he can discover anything harmful in them?Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare,... Short Stories - Post by : Floyd_Fisher - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 2995

About Magnanimous-incident Literature About Magnanimous-incident Literature

About Magnanimous-incident Literature
All my life, from boyhood up, I have had the habit of reading a certain set of anecdotes, written in the quaint vein of The World's ingenious Fabulist, for the lesson they taught me and the pleasure they gave me. They lay always convenient to my hand, and whenever I thought meanly of my kind I turned to them, and they banished that sentiment; whenever I felt myself to be selfish, sordid, and ignoble I turned to them, and they told me what to do to win back my self-respect. Many times I wished that the charming anecdotes had not... Short Stories - Post by : Michael_John - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 1168

The Loves Of Alonzo Fitz Clarence And Rosannah Ethelton The Loves Of Alonzo Fitz Clarence And Rosannah Ethelton

The Loves Of Alonzo Fitz Clarence And Rosannah Ethelton
It was well along in the forenoon of a bitter winter's day. The town of Eastport, in the state of Maine, lay buried under a deep snow that was newly fallen. The customary bustle in the streets was wanting. One could look long distances down them and see nothing but a dead-white emptiness, with silence to match. Of course I do not mean that you could see the silence--no, you could only hear it. The sidewalks were merely long, deep ditches, with steep snow walls on either side. Here and there you might hear the... Short Stories - Post by : trout1 - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 589

How To Make History Dates Stick How To Make History Dates Stick

How To Make History Dates Stick
These chapters are for children, and I shall try to make the words large enough to command respect. In the hope that you are listening, and that you have confidence in me, I will proceed. Dates are difficult things to acquire; and after they are acquired it is difficult to keep them in the head. But they are very valuable. They are like the cattle-pens of a ranch--they shut in the several brands of historical cattle, each within its own fence, and keep them from getting mixed together. Dates are hard to remember because they consist of... Essays - Post by : robert5500 - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 1118

The Enemy Conquered; Or, Love Triumphant The Enemy Conquered; Or, Love Triumphant

The Enemy Conquered; Or, Love Triumphant
Sweet girl, thy smiles are full of charms,Thy voice is sweeter still,It fills the breast with fond alarms,Echoed by every rill.I begin this little work with an eulogy upon woman, who has ever been distinguished for her perseverance, her constancy, and her devoted attention to those upon whom she has been pleased to place her AFFECTIONS. Many have been the themes upon which writers and public speakers have dwelt with intense and increasing interest. Among these delightful themes stands that of woman, the balm to all our sighs and disappointments, and the most pre-eminent of all other topics. Here... Short Stories - Post by : vanyon - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 633

A Cure For The Blues A Cure For The Blues

A Cure For The Blues
By courtesy of Mr. Cable I came into possession of a singular book eight or ten years ago. It is likely that mine is now the only copy in existence. Its title-page, unabbreviated, reads as follows:"The Enemy Conquered; or, Love Triumphant. By G. Ragsdale McClintock, (1) author of 'An Address,' etc., delivered at Sunflower Hill, South Carolina, and member of the Yale Law School. New Haven: published by T. H. Pease, 83 Chapel Street, 1845."No one can take up this book and lay it down again unread. Whoever reads one line of it is caught, is chained;... Short Stories - Post by : ben.g - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 814

On The Decay Of The Art Of Lying On The Decay Of The Art Of Lying

On The Decay Of The Art Of Lying
Observe, I do not mean to suggest that the _custom_ of lying has suffered any decay or interruption--no, for the Lie, as a Virtue, A Principle, is eternal; the Lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend, is immortal, and cannot perish from the earth while this club remains. My complaint simply concerns the decay of the _art_ of lying. No high-minded man, no man of right feeling, can contemplate the lumbering and slovenly lying of the present day without grieving to see a noble art... Essays - Post by : kad2866 - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 1216

The Death Of Jean The Death Of Jean

The Death Of Jean
The death of Jean Clemens occurred early in the morning of December 24, 1909. Mr. Clemens was in great stress of mind when I first saw him, but a few hours later I found him writing steadily."I am setting it down," he said, "everything. It is a relief to me to write it. It furnishes me an excuse for thinking." At intervals during that day and the next I looked in, and usually found him writing. Then on the evening of the 26th, when he knew that Jean had been laid to rest in Elmira, he... Essays - Post by : matthewleon - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 944

The Mcwilliamses And The Burglar Alarm The Mcwilliamses And The Burglar Alarm

The Mcwilliamses And The Burglar Alarm
The conversation drifted smoothly and pleasantly along from weather to crops, from crops to literature, from literature to scandal, from scandal to religion; then took a random jump, and landed on the subject of burglar alarms. And now for the first time Mr. McWilliams showed feeling. Whenever I perceive this sign on this man's dial, I comprehend it, and lapse into silence, and give him opportunity to unload his heart. Said he, with but ill-controlled emotion:"I do not go one single cent on burglar alarms, Mr. Twain--not a single cent--and I will tell you why. When we were... Short Stories - Post by : Keith_Goodrum - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 1058

Hunting The Deceitful Turkey Hunting The Deceitful Turkey

Hunting The Deceitful Turkey
When I was a boy my uncle and his big boys hunted with the rifle, the youngest boy Fred and I with a shotgun--a small single-barrelled shotgun which was properly suited to our size and strength; it was not much heavier than a broom. We carried it turn about, half an hour at a time. I was not able to hit anything with it, but I liked to try. Fred and I hunted feathered small game, the others hunted deer, squirrels, wild turkeys, and such things. My uncle and the big boys were good shots. They killed hawks... Short Stories - Post by : essoess - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 1455

A Fable A Fable

A Fable
Once upon a time an artist who had painted a small and very beautiful picture placed it so that he could see it in the mirror. He said, "This doubles the distance and softens it, and it is twice as lovely as it was before."The animals out in the woods heard of this through the housecat, who was greatly admired by them because he was so learned, and so refined and civilized, and so polite and high-bred, and could tell them so much which they didn't know before, and were not certain about afterward. They were much excited about... Short Stories - Post by : frankbck - Date : October 2009 - Author : Mark Twain - Read : 1101