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The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 10. Golf In Hades The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 10. Golf In Hades

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 10. Golf In Hades
CHAPTER X. GOLF IN HADES"Jim," said I to Boswell one morning as the type-writer began to work, "perhaps you can enlighten me on a point concerning which a great many people have questioned me recently. Has golf taken hold of Hades yet? You referred to it some time ago, and I've been wondering ever since if it had become a fad with you." "Has it?" laughed my visitor; "well, I should rather say it had. The fact is, it has been a great boon to the country. You remember my telling you of the projected revolution led by Cromwell, and Caesar,... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2438

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 9. Sherlock Holmes Again The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 9. Sherlock Holmes Again

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 9. Sherlock Holmes Again
CHAPTER IX. SHERLOCK HOLMES AGAINI had intended asking Boswell what had become of my copy of the Baedeker's Hades when he next returned, but the output of the machine that evening so interested me that the hand-book was entirely forgotten. If there ever was a hero in this world who could compare with D'Artagnan in my estimation for sheer ability in a given line that hero was Sherlock Holmes. With D'Artagnan and Holmes for my companions I think I could pass the balance of my days in absolute contentment, no matter what woful things might befall me. So it was that,... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 1396

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 8. A Hand-Book To Hades The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 8. A Hand-Book To Hades

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 8. A Hand-Book To Hades
CHAPTER VIII. A HAND-BOOK TO HADES"Boswell," said I, the other night, as the machine began to click nervously. "I have just received a letter from an unknown friend in Hawaii who wants to know how the prize-fight between Samson and Goliath came out that time when Kidd and his pirate crew stole the House-Boat on the Styx." "Just wait a minute, please," the machine responded. "I am very busy just now mapping out the itinerary of the first series of the Boswell Personally Conducted Tours you suggested some time ago. I laid that whole proposition before the Entertainment Committee of the... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2131

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 7. An Important Decision The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 7. An Important Decision

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 7. An Important Decision
CHAPTER VII. AN IMPORTANT DECISIONFor some time after the organization of the Pleasure Tours, the Enchanted Type-Writer appeared to be deserted. Night after night I watched over it with great care lest I should lose any item of interest that might come to me from below, but, much to my sorrow, things in Hades appeared to be dull--so dull that the machine was not called into requisition at all. I little guessed what important matters were transpiring in that wonderful country. Had I done so, I doubt I should have waited so patiently, although my only method of getting there was... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 1425

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 6. The Boswell Tours: Personally Conducted The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 6. The Boswell Tours: Personally Conducted

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 6. The Boswell Tours: Personally Conducted
CHAPTER VI. THE BOSWELL TOURS: PERSONALLY CONDUCTEDIt was and will no doubt be considered, even by those who are not too friendly towards myself, a daring idea, and it was all my own. One night, several weeks after the interview with Boswell just narrated, the idea came to me simultaneously with the first tapping of the keys for the evening upon the Enchanted Type-Writer. It was Boswell's touch that summoned me from my divan. My family were on the eve of departure for a month's rest from care and play in the mountains, and I was looking forward to a period... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 1436

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 5. The Editing Of Xanthippe The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 5. The Editing Of Xanthippe

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 5. The Editing Of Xanthippe
CHAPTER V. THE EDITING OF XANTHIPPEAfter my interview with Xanthippe, I hesitated to approach the type-writer for a week or two. It did a great deal of clicking after the midnight hour had struck, and I was consumed with curiosity to know what was going on, but I did not wish to meet Mrs. Socrates again, so I held aloof until Boswell should have served his sentence. I was no longer afraid of the woman, but I do fear the good fellow of the weaker sex, and I deemed it just as well to keep out of any and all disputes... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 594

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 4. A Chat With Xanthippe The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 4. A Chat With Xanthippe

The Enchanted Typewriter - Chapter 4. A Chat With Xanthippe
CHAPTER IV. A CHAT WITH XANTHIPPEThe machine stopped its clicking the moment I spoke, and the words, "Hullo, old chap!" were no sooner uttered than my face grew red as a carnation pink. I felt as if I had committed some dreadful faux-pas, and instead of gazing steadfastly into the vacant chair, as I had been wont to do in my conversation with Boswell, my eyes fell, as though the invisible occupant of the chair were regarding me with a look of indignant scorn. "I beg your pardon," I said. "I should think you might," returned the types. "Hullo, old chap!... Long Stories - Post by : bigbill - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2759

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 12. The House-Boat Disappears A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 12. The House-Boat Disappears

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 12. The House-Boat Disappears
CHAPTER XII. THE HOUSE-BOAT DISAPPEARSQueen Elizabeth, attended by Ophelia and Xanthippe, was walking along the river-bank. It was a beautiful autumn day, although, owing to certain climatic peculiarities of Hades, it seemed more like midsummer. The mercury in the club thermometer was nervously clicking against the top of the crystal tube, and poor Cerberus was having all he could do with his three mouths snapping up the pestiferous little shades of by-gone gnats that seemed to take an almost unholy pleasure in alighting upon his various noses and ears. Ophelia was doing most of the talking. "I am sure... Long Stories - Post by : kenmat - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 3025

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 11. As To Saurians And Others A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 11. As To Saurians And Others

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 11. As To Saurians And Others
CHAPTER XI. AS TO SAURIANS AND OTHERSIt was Noah who spoke. "I'm glad," he said, "that when I embarked at the time of the heavy rains that did so much damage in the old days, there weren't any dogs like that fellow Cerberus about. If I'd had to feed a lot of three-headed beasts like him the Ark would have run short of provisions inside of ten days." "That's very likely true," observed Mr. Barnum; "but I must confess, my dear Noah, that you showed a lamentable lack of the showman's instinct when you selected the animals you did.... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 1636

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 10. Story-Tellers' Night A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 10. Story-Tellers' Night

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 10. Story-Tellers' Night
CHAPTER X. STORY-TELLERS' NIGHTIt was Story-tellers' Night at the house-boat, and the best talkers of Hades were impressed into the service. Doctor Johnson was made chairman of the evening. "Put him in the chair," said Raleigh. "That's the only way to keep him from telling a story himself. If he starts in on a tale he'll make it a serial sure as fate, but if you make him the medium through which other story-tellers are introduced to the club he'll be finely epigrammatic. He can be very short and sharp when he's talking about somebody else. Personality... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2645

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 9. As To Cookery And Sculpture A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 9. As To Cookery And Sculpture

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 9. As To Cookery And Sculpture
CHAPTER IX. AS TO COOKERY AND SCULPTURERobert Burns and Homer were seated at a small table in the dining-room of the house-boat, discussing everything in general and the shade of a very excellent luncheon in particular. "We are in great luck to-day," said Burns, as he cut a ruddy duck in twain. "This bird is done just right." "I agree with you," returned Homer, drawing his chair a trifle closer to the table. "Compared to the one we had here last Thursday, this is a feast for the gods. I wonder who it was that cooked this fowl... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2093

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 8. A Discontented Shade A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 8. A Discontented Shade

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 8. A Discontented Shade
CHAPTER VIII. A DISCONTENTED SHADE"It seems to me," said Shakespeare, wearily, one afternoon at the club--"that this business of being immortal is pretty dull. Didn't somebody once say he'd rather ride fifty years on a trolley in Europe than on a bicycle in Cathay?" "I never heard any such remark by any self-respecting person," said Johnson. "I said something like it," observed Tennyson. Doctor Johnson looked around to see who it was that spoke. "You?" he cried. "And who, pray, may you be?" "My name is Tennyson," replied the poet. "And a very good name it is," said Shakespeare.... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2277

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 7. A Discussion As To Ladies' Day A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 7. A Discussion As To Ladies' Day

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 7. A Discussion As To Ladies' Day
CHAPTER VII. A DISCUSSION AS TO LADIES' DAY"I met Queen Elizabeth just now on the Row," said Raleigh, as he entered the house-boat and checked his cloak. "Indeed?" said Confucius. "What if you did? Other people have met Queen Elizabeth. There's nothing original about that." "True; but she made a suggestion to me about this house-boat which I think is a good one. She says the women are all crazy to see the inside of it," said Raleigh. "Thus proving that immortal woman is no different from mortal woman," retorted Confucius. "They want to see the... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 731

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 6. Some Theories, Darwinian And Otherwise A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 6. Some Theories, Darwinian And Otherwise

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 6. Some Theories, Darwinian And Otherwise
CHAPTER VI. SOME THEORIES, DARWINIAN AND OTHERWISE"I observe," said Doctor Darwin, looking up from a perusal of an asbestos copy of the _London Times_--"I observe that an American professor has discovered that monkeys talk. I consider that a very interesting fact." "It undoubtedly is," observed Doctor Livingstone, "though hardly new. I never said anything about it over in the other world, but I discovered years ago in Africa that monkeys were quite as well able to hold a sustained conversation with each other as most men are." "And I, too," put in Baron Munchausen, "have frequently conversed with monkeys.... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2560

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 2. A Disputed Authorship A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 2. A Disputed Authorship

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 2. A Disputed Authorship
CHAPTER II. A DISPUTED AUTHORSHIP"How are you, Charon?" said Shakespeare, as the Janitor assisted him on board. "Any one here to-night?" "Yes, sir," said Charon. "Lord Bacon is up in the library, and Doctor Johnson is down in the billiard-room, playing pool with Nero." "Ha-ha!" laughed Shakespeare. "Pool, eh? Does Nero play pool?" "Not as well as he does the fiddle, sir," said the Janitor, with a twinkle in his eye. Shakespeare entered the house and tossed up an obolus. "Heads--Bacon; tails--pool with Nero and Johnson," he said. The coin came down with heads up, and... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2433

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 1. Charon Makes A Discovery A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 1. Charon Makes A Discovery

A House-boat On The Styx - Chapter 1. Charon Makes A Discovery
CHAPTER I. CHARON MAKES A DISCOVERYCharon, the Ferryman of renown, was cruising slowly along the Styx one pleasant Friday morning not long ago, and as he paddled idly on he chuckled mildly to himself as he thought of the monopoly in ferriage which in the course of years he had managed to build up. "It's a great thing," he said, with a smirk of satisfaction--"it's a great thing to be the go-between between two states of being; to have the exclusive franchise to export and import shades from one state to the other, and withal to have had as clean a... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2633

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 12. The Escape And The End The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 12. The Escape And The End

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 12. The Escape And The End
CHAPTER XII. THE ESCAPE AND THE ENDIf there was anxiety on board of the Gehenna as to the condition and whereabouts of the House-boat, there was by no means less uneasiness upon that vessel itself. Cleopatra's scheme for ridding herself and her abducted sisters of the pirates had worked to a charm, but, having worked thus, a new and hitherto undreamed-of problem, full of perplexities bearing upon their immediate safety, now confronted them. The sole representative of a seafaring family on board was Mrs. Noah, and it did not require much time to see that her knowledge as to... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 1881

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 11. Marooned The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 11. Marooned

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 11. Marooned
CHAPTER XI. MAROONEDWhen Captain Holmes arrived upon deck he seized his glass, and, gazing intently through it for a moment, perceived that the faithful Shem had not deceived him. Flying at half-mast from a rude, roughly hewn pole set upon a rocky height was the black flag, emblem of piracy, and, as Artemus Ward put it, "with the second joints reversed." It was in very truth a signal of distress. "I make it a point never to be surprised," observed Holmes, as he peered through the glass, "but this beats me. I didn't know there was an island... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 486

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 10. A Warning Accepted The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 10. A Warning Accepted

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 10. A Warning Accepted
CHAPTER X. A WARNING ACCEPTED"It is with no desire to interrupt my friend Cassandra unnecessarily," said Mrs. Noah, as the prophetess was about to narrate her story, "that I rise to beg her to remember that, as an ancestress of Captain Kidd, I hope she will spare a grandmother's feelings, if anything in the story she is about to tell is improper to be placed before the young. I have been so shocked by the stories of perfidy and baseness generally that have been published of late years, that I would interpose a protest while there is yet time if... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 2382

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 9. Captain Kidd Meets With An Obstacle The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 9. Captain Kidd Meets With An Obstacle

The Pursuit Of The House-boat - Chapter 9. Captain Kidd Meets With An Obstacle
CHAPTER IX. CAPTAIN KIDD MEETS WITH AN OBSTACLE"Excuse me, your Majesty," remarked Helen of Troy as Cleopatra accorded permission to Captain Kidd to speak, "I have not been introduced to this gentleman nor has he been presented to me, and I really cannot consent to any proceeding so irregular as this. I do not speak to gentlemen I have not met, nor do I permit them to address me." "Hear, hear!" cried Xanthippe. "I quite agree with the principle of my young friend from Troy. It may be that when we claimed for ourselves all the rights of... Long Stories - Post by : Mark_Singletary - Date : May 2012 - Author : John Kendrick Bangs - Read : 1705