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Full Online Book HomeAuthor Horatio AlgerPage 1
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Nothing To Eat - He Imploreth Merry for other Unfortunate Beings Nothing To Eat - He Imploreth Merry for other Unfortunate Beings

Nothing To Eat - He Imploreth Merry for other Unfortunate Beings
Now heaven in mercy be kind to the wretchesWho stay on the earth like this Mrs. Merdle!More wretched than ever a wretch on the hurdleWas drawn by all England's official Jack Ketches;More wretched, if can be, at church on a SundayA woman, who worships, than God, more her dress,Would be if she heard or e'en thought Mrs. GrundyWould sneer at the set of a bonnet or tress;Or say that she thought Miss Freelove's new patternOf laces, or collars, or yard flowing sleeves,Looked more like the dress of a real Miss SlatternAnd not "so becoming"'s the first one of Eve's.... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1472

Nothing To Eat - He Imploreth Mercy upon those condemned with fashionable folly to Nothing To Eat - He Imploreth Mercy upon those condemned with fashionable folly to

Nothing To Eat - He Imploreth Mercy upon those condemned with fashionable folly to
Marry, and Illustrateth their Condition.Now heaven in mercy be kind to the wretch,Who marries for money or fashion or folly;He'd better accept of the noose of Jack KetchThan such a "help-meet;" or at once marry DollyThe cook, or with Bridget, the maid of the broom;With one he'd be sure to get coffee and meat,And never hear whining of nothing to eat,And 't other would make up his bed and his room;And if he was blest with a child now and then,As happens sometimes with your fashionable wives,Who're coupled to bipeds, in nature called men,He'd need no insurance to warrant their lives;And... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1409

Nothing To Eat - He Discourseth of What some Mortals Live for Nothing To Eat - He Discourseth of What some Mortals Live for

Nothing To Eat - He Discourseth of What some Mortals Live for
"What else do they live for in this world beside?"What else but for Kittys or one of the same,Do mothers their daughters at schools give the touchThat leaves them to live as a wife but in nameWhile position and fashion they frantically clutch.What else do they live for, our girls so refined,So forward, precocious, and gifted at tenThey are flirting and courting and things of the kind,That never came under our grandmother's ken.At fifteen so dressed up, and hooped up, I ween,They're mothers full often before they're sixteen,And fading and dowdy and sickly at twenty,With one boy in trowsers and two... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 3450

Nothing To Eat - He Discourseth of the Wherefore of Bachelorism Nothing To Eat - He Discourseth of the Wherefore of Bachelorism

Nothing To Eat - He Discourseth of the Wherefore of Bachelorism
"What else do we live for in this world beside?"Alas! 't is the question of ten times a day,That comes on the wind, or that floats on the tide,And creeps in the houses where men go to pray.What else do we live for than get such a wifeAs this of the banker of our faint description?What else is the end of our fashionable lifeFrom which men escape as they would from conscription?What else is the reason so few natives marry,Than this, that extravagance leads on to ruin?It is because few men are able to carryThe load of this baking and roasting... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1622

Nothing To Eat - The Poet Moralizeth--He Discourseth to those who Gorge and Complain Nothing To Eat - The Poet Moralizeth--He Discourseth to those who Gorge and Complain

Nothing To Eat - The Poet Moralizeth--He Discourseth to those who Gorge and Complain
Oh! Kitty Malone--Mrs. Merdle 'tis now--Was there ever on earth than this, greater folly?Still gorging, while groaning, and swearing a vow,That yours is a case of most sad melancholy.With table that Croesus never had but might covet,You live but to eat and to eat 'cause you love it;And yet while you swallow great sirloins of meatComplain like a beggar of nothing to eat.... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1089

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle, having 'Nibbled a Little' for two Hours at Dinner, retireth from the Table unsatisfied Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle, having "Nibbled a Little" for two Hours at Dinner, retireth from the Table unsatisfied

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle, having 'Nibbled a Little' for two Hours at Dinner, retireth from the Table unsatisfied
"Impatient--oh yes--just the way with you men!I never have time to half finish my eatingEre Merdle is done; such a fidget is then,He'd starve me I think rather 'n miss of a meetingWhere brokers preside o'er the fate of the stocks,As Pales presided o'er shepherds and flocks.Now while you are smoking--what nonsense and folly--I'll go to my room.--don't say No, for I must--Put on a new dress, with assistance of Molly,And then with a little strong tea and a crust,My strength I may hope for a walk will be ableAs far as the gate, and a very short ride,To give me... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 3566

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Suggesteth that Dinner being finished, the Gentlement Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Suggesteth that Dinner being finished, the Gentlement

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Suggesteth that Dinner being finished, the Gentlement
will Smoke. In the meantime, she Discourseth."Now Merdle--now Colonel--I know you are waiting.And thinking my talking to eating's a bar,Still hoping, by tasting, my appetite sating,Will give you the license to smoke a cigar.(Illustration: "WILL GIVE YOU THE LICENSE TO SMOKE A CIGAR")Well then, I've done now, and hope too you've dined,As well as down town where you dine for a shilling,At Taylor's, or Thompson's, or one of the kind,Where mortals are flocking each day for their filling;Or else at the Astor where bachelors quarter,Where port holes for windows give light to the room,Far out of the region of Eve's every... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2036

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Accepteth of a slight Dinner, suitable for a Woman Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Accepteth of a slight Dinner, suitable for a Woman

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Accepteth of a slight Dinner, suitable for a Woman
suffering with Dyspepsia.Some turkey? why yes--the least mite will suffice;A side bone and dressing and bit of the breast;The tip of the rump--that's it--and one o' the fli's--In spite of the doctor: my appetite's none of the best,And so I must pamper the delicate thing,And tickle a fancy that's very capriciousWith bits of a turkey, the breast or the wing,With beef very tender, and gravy delicious.Some beef now? I thank you, not any at present;I'll nibble a little at what I have got,And wish for a duck, or a grouse, or a pheasant,Though none of them come for a wish, in... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1392

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth again on Dinner Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth again on Dinner

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth again on Dinner
But you are not eating, and I fear that the fish,Or else 't is the gravy's not done to your wish.You're starving while waiting for something to eat--Thank fortune I told you how poorly we live--I hope John now will give us a piece of roast meat,Or else such a dinner you'd never forgive.Why yes, Merdle, look, there is beef on that dish--Jane Hill, don't you see, there's a plate here to shift--That John is now bringing--'t is all he can lift--And Colonel, that turkey, you know 't is my wish--You know that Excelsior's your motto in carving--As nothing more now... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1238

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Describeth her Doctor Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Describeth her Doctor

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Describeth her Doctor
But he's an old fogy, you may know by this sign--He don't smoke tobacco, drink lager or wine;And swears that rich gravy, roast pork or chop,Would kill a big ostrich, if stuffed in his crop.He told me one day 'bout the pain in my feet,'I see what 't is ails you--you've nothing to eat!'Provoking, absurd, foolish hint that my healthWas injured by eating what station and wealthAnd fashion give right for my sex to enjoyIn spite of the doctors we choose to employ.... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2085

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Hygiene and Fish Sauce Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Hygiene and Fish Sauce

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Hygiene and Fish Sauce
But this is concocted by rules so complete;Though piquant, is healthy and easy digested;And if you will note it as slowly we eat,The contents I'll give for our friends interested.Imprimus: in fish stock, an onion we stew,And anchovy essence two spoonfuls we add;With butter, horse-radish, and lemons a few;Mushrooms, too, in ketchup is not very bad;And pickle of walnuts with onions chopped fine,To which there is added some old sherry wine.My doctor, so queer, when I suffer distress,Inquires what I've latterly foolishly eaten,And swears that to swallow this 'horrible mess,'Would entitle a dog like a dog to be beaten.But la! such... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2700

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Ordereth the Second Course Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Ordereth the Second Course

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Ordereth the Second Course
Come, John, Jane, and Susan, the soup take away,And bring in the turbot, the sheep's head and bass;And have you got lobster and salad to-day?And see that the celery's all right in the glass.Now fish--Colonel Dinewell, which fish will you try?And how shall I dress it to suit your nice taste?For sauce to the fish is as love to the sigh,Imperfect, it's worthless, and both prove a waste.... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2991

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Eatable Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Eatable

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Eatable
Now Colonel, to husband you need not be winking,While wiping the soup with a smile from your lips;I know just as well as he does how you're thinkingThe soup is as tasteless as though made of chips.You need not deny it, and swear that no betterConcocted was ever in London or Paris;Remember the praises you gave in your letterOf cooking and eating you wrote to Miss Harris.Now, Colonel, don't offer a word more to flatter--The soup may be so-so, but wait for the meat;And after you've seen the last dish, plate, or platter,You'll own then, I'm certain, we've nothing to eat--That... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1412

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Earthly Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Earthly

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Earthly
No matter how costly or flimsy her dresses,The angel you honor with your kind attentions;No matter how foolish her wardrobe inventions,You love her, or say so, from slipper to tresses;But, presto! you call her the greatest of sinners,Though smiling, she treats you to badly cooked dinners;Which proves where the seat is of men's best affections,With which 'pon their honor they extol us as wives,And treat us at dinner with sagest reflections,Of beauty, and duty we owe all our livesTo you, noble lords, of this mundane creation;Which, judging from some things they tell us,Was made for the creatures of this trading nation,Who... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2808

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle goes to Market Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle goes to Market

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle goes to Market
With prices outrageous they charge now for meat,And servants so worthless are every day growing,I wonder we get half enough now to eat,And shouldn't if 't want for the fact of my goingTo market to cheapen potatoes and beef,And talk to the butchers about their abuses,And listen to stories beyond our belief,They tell while they cheat us, by way of excuses.And grocers--do tell us--is 't legal to chargeSuch prices for sugar, and butter, and flour?Oh, why don't the Mayor in his wisdom enlargeBoth weight and measure as he does 'doubtful power?'... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2870

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle At Home Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle At Home

Nothing To Eat - Mrs. Merdle At Home
She Discourseth of Nothing to Eat and the Cost thereof.Why Merdle--why did you bring Dinewell to-day?So very, though welcome, so quite unexpected!For dinner, if any, I'm sure I can't say,Our servants with washing are all so infected.If any's provided, 't is nothing but scrapsOf pot-luck or pick up of some common fare;Or something left over from last week perhaps,Which you've brought a friend, and an old one, to share.I never, I'm sure now, so much was ashamed,To think he'll discover--what's true to the letter--We've nothing, or next to't that's fit to be named,For one who is used every day to what's... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1653

Nothing To Eat - The Merdle Origin Nothing To Eat - The Merdle Origin

Nothing To Eat - The Merdle Origin
Now Merdle, _en passant_, I had known for a scoreOf years, when a dinner with Jones, Brown or SmithAs good as one gets for a quarter or more,Was a thing unthought of, or else but a mythIn Merde's day-dreaming of things yet in store,When hope painted visions of a painted abode,And hope never hoped for anything more--I'm sure never dreamed he would dine _a la mode_.In dreams wildest fancy I doubt if he dreamed,That time in its changes that wears rocky shores,Should change what so changeless certainly seemed,Till Merdle, Jack Merdle, would own twenty stores,Much more own a bank, e'en the... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2903

Nothing To Eat - The Invitation Nothing To Eat - The Invitation

Nothing To Eat - The Invitation
While waiting debating I stated before,Jack Merdle drove up in his carriage and bays,"Halloo," said the banker, "I see you're ashore--No wonder--this weather is all in a haze--But come in my carriage, and truly confessYou're a victim of hunger and dinner down town;A case of most common distressing distress;When dining in public with Jones, Smith or Brown,Or some other practical men of the nation,Is worse on the whole than a little starvation.But come home with me for the sake of Lang Syne,And see Mrs. Merdle and see how we dine.I must not expect," he advised in advance,"To meet with a dinner... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 1498

Nothing To Eat - Things That Mortals Eat There Nothing To Eat - Things That Mortals Eat There

Nothing To Eat - Things That Mortals Eat There
And what do you eat in the mess there compounded?For roast beef, the gravy the soap-man should claim--The soup some odd things might turn up if sounded,And other "made-dishes" might turn up the same.Decoctions that puzzle your chemical skill,You get if you call either coffee or tea;And milk that is made with and tastes of the swill,As like milk, as wine is that often we seeIs like to the juice of the grape in perfection,Or like as the candidate after electionIs like the fair thing that we hoped or expectedBefore the base thief was exposed or detected;As like truth and virtue--and... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 2973

Nothing To Eat - Places Where Mortals Dine Nothing To Eat - Places Where Mortals Dine

Nothing To Eat - Places Where Mortals Dine
The case, too, was urgent, for there stood a sinner,Whose fate hung on chance--a chance for his dinner;A chance for all mortals, with truth I assert,Who eat where his chance was, to counteract fate,"To eat during life each a peck of pure dirt"By eating at once the whole peck from one plate.For true when I think of the places we eat at,Or rather the places by hunger when drivenWe rush in and swallow our bread and our meat at,A bushel good measure in life will be givenTo those who are living a "boarding-house life,"Or those who are driven by fortune to... Poems - Post by : Laurence_Baker - Date : May 2012 - Author : Horatio Alger - Read : 3239